Horror Scope - 3 September 2007

Virgo

‘Happy Birthday to me…it’s all about me…I behave like a monkey…cause I’m happy I’m me!’ Still swinging high during your birthday time, and starting to behave like a banana too, good good!

Libra

Hang-on, hang-on, hang-on! What’s that I heard you say? ‘My bum looks big in this!’ ‘She doesn’t like my mono-brow!’ Give me a break! You could throw shit at the queen and still get her to smile! Stop thinking you’re a tool and start telling yourself that everyone actually likes you because you have a hot sibling!

Scorpio

Come down to Earth have we, from ‘that planet way up there, above everyone else!’ It’s a good thing! It will show you that life is a nasty set of mogels and sometimes yes, you do fall on your ass! But things will smoothen out, and you’ll be on soft fluffy feathers soon!

Sagittarius

Ha…everyone just wants to point and laugh! Why? Because you dress funny, that’s why!

Capricorn

Little capri, a little Corn and what do you get! A flirting disaster!

Aquarius

Just don’t let anyone one tell you’re freaking them out this week! You have the power to control, use it! So what if you tend to stare at people a little longer than usual!? They make you uncomfortable by staring back!

Pisces

Hell, you’re still here? Grow-up fish dude and get over it, they have!

Aries

You’ve sort of been singled out, left on your own and feeling a little influenced by the fact that you can lick your elbow. Hey, what the hell do I know, you giggle when you pee!

Taurus

You are being nasty this week. No one likes to be called a friggin idiot ok! Stop judging and start convicting! If they piss you off, right them off! Nastiness is never very naas!

Gemini

Alter Ego’s? Split personalities? Hey, at least you’ve got friends!

Cancer

I thought long and hard about your current situation, and it stinks! I mean really, who the hell do they think they are? Well, just tell them to stop then. Who? Those little voice’s inside your head! Yeeesh, and you call me mad!

Leo

You’re the only one with a love life this week. So unless you’re shagging other Leo’s, you not going to be getting little to no steamy nookie! Try spooning your pillow!