Horror Scope - 26 August 2007

Virgo

Does the coconut let go of the tree? Or does the tree let go of the coconut? Either way, it’s your time of birth right now and you shouldn’t let anyone shake you up! Just remember, you never fall far from it…unless you’re a Pina Colada!

Libra

Oh my, settle down! You’re not a fog horn! Although you’re sounding like one at the moment and not paying attention to your own voice! Sssssh, hush little one! No one needs to hear you on your cellphone, sssshh!

Scorpio

You’re the most noticeable star constellation in the sky right now…Who gives a shit really?! You’ve taken on a selfish side in order to deal with troubling issues! Here’s the deal! Head to Woolies…buy 3 tubs of Choco Toffee Ice Cream…smile at the cashier…sit on the couch and give yourself the biggest brain freeze you can because that’s how we feel being around you right now!

Sagittarius

You’re so kind, gentle and sweet! You would give that stray cat your Veggo Wrapp if it hadn’t been hit by a car 10 seconds prier. Shame! It takes a strong soul to scrape that poor little fur mitten of the road and place him in a rose garden. Well, at least you got to enjoy your wrap!

Capricorn

Hey, big spender! Go wild! No wait!! In fact, go fucking crazy!!! It’s been a while since someone said, “Hey, look at that cookie fuckie loonie! Gee, wish I could do that!”

Aquarius

I want to write you a song! It begin’s with ‘Hey now!’ and ends with ‘Now hey!’…fill in the blanks dude!

Pisces

Hey Miss Furry Boots…you’re like a fish out of water this week! Slimey, flappy and a little stinky.

Aries

You need to start remembering those who remember you this week. However, that doesn’t mean sending a text message starting with a question and ending with the answer! Example: ‘Hey there X! How the hell are you??? Well, hope you’re well! Chat Soon, Banana Head!’

Taurus

IT’S THE BULL! Put away those horns, hide that loose change because someone has just stolen your watch! What’s the time? Ha ha….

Gemini

777…..you hit jackpot, woohoo! What are you going to do with the money?

Cancer

What are you really? Some alien come down to probe us in our, aaa ears?! Some water algae looking to congregate on our bodies? I don’t know who you are, but I want the real YOU back! Find yourself! And look for others while you’re at it!

Leo

Sorry Dude! You got left out and forgotten this week! However, there's a reason for everything and there's everything for a reason! Your bite is worse than your roar, as long as your roar exit's from your mouth!